Squeeze the Grape(s)

If you have not heard of ben wa balls and you have given birth, you should really consider investigating them.  The little silver grape-sized balls pictured above are not sex toys but a tool to help women strengthen or rebuild their kegel muscles.   I know what you're thinking: this HAS to be something invented by men, right?

While having a strong pelvic floor is definitely going to make sex more pleasurable for the guy in your life, the more important issues addressed by these exercises are incontinence as well as the possibility of uterine prolapse in the future.  I am from the country, so for those who have heard an older lady say "my p*ssy fell out", you know a women with extremely weak pelvic muscles, and unless you just want your uterus to one day come out and say "Hi!", ben wa balls are a tool worth investing in.

So why stuff metal in your lady parts? Why not just hold and release the muscles at every stoplight?

While these efforts are wonderful, the beauty of the ben wa balls is you can gauge your progress.  You want to use these tools when you are cleaning your house or doing floor exercises indoors.  At first the balls will slide out of you, but as your strength increases, you will hold the weights inside.

We are an advanced society, and since we aren't doing outdoor chores or balancing jugs on our heads, we have to manufacture ways to work out.  The pelvic floor needs attention.  If you plan on having another child (or two) you will be stronger the next time around.

Also, do not think for a second that a c-section makes you irrelevant to this conversation.  All mothers released hormones during pregnancy that led to the softening of joints and widening of hips in preparation of the bringing forth of life, and the joints and muscles were affected whether you pushed out Mini Me or not.

This is Realest Mother Dearest signing off.  Stay tuned.  I am going to be writing more consistently, so those prizes I promised forever ago will happen people!

Women, Keep Your Uterus!

DISCLAIMER: I am not saying this video is an example of what I am doing personally, nor am I endorsing the products or services mentioned.  I just agree with the main points of healing yourself and keeping your lady parts.

As a first-time mother, I am having conversations about feminine health with my elders that I have not had before, and the amount of women I know who have elected to have their uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, etc. removed is astounding.  What's worse is these 40+ year old women lack the understanding of their bodies that would allow them to see the dire consequences of ridding themselves of offal.  I  only know 1 person who had a hysterectomy because of cancer.  These women are so glad to be period free, they don't realize their abdominal support is in jeopardy of prolapse.
These lucrative surgeries are now discussed with greedy physicians as a first choice instead of a last resort.  60 years ago the idea of having the uterus removed was uncommon and unacceptable to most women, and now the new generations of middle aged women are singing the surgeon's praises!
My plea is a simple one: before you go under the knife, research and count the costs.  Don't just do a Google search and read some posts.  Speak with people who are willing to give you a true account of what changes occurred.  Menstrual cycles are a pain, but the creator is not flawed.  If the organ is removed and is not immediately threatening your life, the surgery will not be a total win.
This is Realest Mother Dearest signing off.  Please comment below if you have had or considered having a hysterectomy.  I want to know your thoughts, people!

A Father Examines Manhood

I am a huge fan of Ted Talks, and this particular lecture made me tear up.  Tony Porter gives a very candid account of what it means to be a man as well as how detrimental the "man box" is to men as well as women.  The lack of freedom in manhood is a big contributor to the abuse and degradation of women based on his theory.  The most poignant statement he made was in reference to how he wants to make a better world for his daughter by shaping mental attitudes in males.  Please listen to and share this video.

This is Realest Mother Dearest signing off.

Fox's Bill O'Reilly: Pregnant Black Women are a Menace To Society!

As an educated unwed mother rearing a daughter with an active father, I would like to say Bill O'Reilly needs to quit with the jokes.  His shock jock foolery at the expense of Black people (women this time) is frankly boring.  And only a weak man picks on women anyway.

Since I have my preface out of the way, I would also like to mention how weary I am of the criminalization of HUMAN behaviors executed by BLACK people.  Whether the story is about teenage pregnancy or the death of an innocent Black boy in his father's neighborhood, it seems that when a white member of American society commits a crime, there is either a 1) a plausible reason if it is a white female, 2) drugs or molestation if it is a white male or 3) typical shenanigans of a youth if you are referring to teens or those in their early 20s.  This is my opinion, by the way, so feel free to submit input/research/rebuttals below.  In the end, it seems the darker your skin, the worse your intent.  There is no real concern for the person's background, and regaining respectability as well as socioeconomic stability is twice as difficult and half as respected.

These types of topics irk me mostly because of the lack of perspective held by his type of audience, which is a group of narrow minded and influential persons who did not need more motivation against minorities.  That bear has been poke enough!  When you consider how population control was disguised as sexual health assistance through the formation of Planned Parenthood, it is important to make sure Black procreation is as vile as possible in the eye of the media.  Meanwhile back in the suburbs, shows like 16 and Pregnant perpetuate the idea that the low and middle class, white unwed mothers not only need help, but are more so deserving of the help.  Do not be fooled: the suggestion that Planned Parenthood was to prevent infant mortality as well as promote prudence and health for the mothers is a ruse.  These issues were not in the Black community, so issues had to be trumped up to create cause for such and organization, plus services were free or dirt cheap, and racial tensions were high.  No one was too keen on the idea of allowing someone who wouldn't pee in the same toilet access to their reproductive organs.  At least not at first.

Well this is Realest Mother Dearest signing off. Stay tuned for more topics, and feel free to suggest topics below.

In my Africa + Lryics (song heard on Arthur about the 54 countries in Af...

It is Black History Month, and this singular show has made me so proud I was moved to tears.  I watched Hey Arthur even when I was at an age when it definitely did not cater to my demographic, but when I saw this episode for the first time yesterday, I thought to myself, finally! I watched it with my one year old baby, and even though she is not at an age to understand the significance, I was so happy to see a beautiful Africa.  Every place has a ghetto, and Feed the Children commercials are a big reason the stereotype of Africa is poverty.  Africa needs Jesus and food, let the infomercial tell it, and at the end of the day, the snippet has played so often for so many years it is the accepted subconscious truth in the minds of Americans.  This clip is the highlight of the show, but the entire episode was beautiful, and I learned a thing or two!  I definitely thought of the continent as a place on the bucket list to visit for educational purposes, but the pictures and descriptions create an image of a pleasurable experience for tourists.  It is my hope that one day, in my lifetime, the beauty of Africa will be ranked with (or above) other lush tourist stops such as Hawaii.  Enjoy this clip and share it with your children and friends. This is Realest Mother Dearest signing off.

Baby Hair

Hey, it's been a minute and I haven't kept up but it's frankly because I'm busy and my layout sorta sucks currently, but that will change soon.  My daughter finally has enough hair to style, and it's really manageable too (thank GAWD) but I don't really know what I'm doing. I hoped for a boy for this reason.  I seriously was looking forward to cutting hair.  What's worse is my mother went to beauty school before she was even thinking about having a daughter, and she can literally do any hairstyle.  When I was a kid I had crazy cornrows designs with colorful beads a la Crooklyn.  So I get to hear speeches when I visit.  

I hope I figure some cute stuff out that can be done with little outside help, but I doubt it. I have even tried watching YouTube videos over and over.  My hands don't really translate what my eyes see.

Whelp, this is Realest Mother Dearest signing off. 

A Rant

The crisp Autumn air and leaves are a sign of holiday times.  They are also painful reminders of my going under the knife to have a baby.  
How so?
Well the chilly air causes my back to ache at times.  Oh sure, I stretch and work out and drink water and lift with my knees blah blah blah  but sometimes for no apparent reason I still have a twinge or crippling pain, whatever my back decides to do.
Frankly, I'm pissed.
My doctor did not even attempt to induce me.  He decided it would take too long since I was a first time mother, which contradicted EVERYTHING he told me leading up to my due date.  He was all "it is up to God and the baby" and then he refused to induce on a Friday so he wouldn't tie up his precious weekend.  Then he refused induction all together, claiming I was endangering my child's life.
So he cut me a new vagina above my old useless one and I have a janky back and a uterus that feels occupied, but the phantom kicks are just the surrounding organs fighting to break away from the fibrous scar tissue 17 months later.

Im done.
This is Realest Mother Dearest saying thanks for nothing Dr. Stack. Glad I contributed to the highest csection rate in the U.S. which is 40% in the great state of Louisiana.
Yes, you read it right. Almost half of all live births here are through surgery, and it is often unnecessary.