Cheeky Quotes

Sunday, May 12, 2013

1st Momaversary

Happy Mother's Day first time moms and veterans alike. If you have an 11 month old like I do, pat yourself on the back, you made it. Let us clink our glasses to dirty diapers, sleepless nights, first teeth, first words, first steps, visits to Maw Maw's, projectile vomits, projectile poops, and uncontrolled, unprovoked giggling.  I hope you had a good day. This is Realest Mother Dearest signing off.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

What did the five fingers say to the face?

Evening friends! 
My daughter slapped me really hard in the face. My eye watered. She was almost homeless.
That's all. Realest Mother Dearest signing off.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Pimping is Easy

I have a pimp. She intimidates me and robs me of my breast milk against my will. She is so cute and her cries quickly turn to screams. 
I am a prisoner of war.
Send help!
This is Realest Mother Dearest signing off. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Funny Money

Babies are expensive and the economy is not improving as quickly as we hoped it would. Truthfully, I have not had as hard a time as I thought I would. I have always been a savvy person, but I have become especially cautious as a result of having a totally unplanned pregnancy.  Check out my article here on ways you too can  stretch your pennies.  
That's all for now. This is Realest Mother Dearest signing off. As always, comment below and leave suggestions. Good, bad or ugly, I want your feedback!

Monday, May 6, 2013

A Bit of a Tit: The War Continues

In the quest to wean my daughter I was bitten. Hard. Directly on the nipple. Skin was missing.
I knew I had to take drastic action.
My actions thus far have been semi-aggressive but I kicked them up a notch.
I have kinda been force-feeding my baby with food and formula. Not in a hostile way, but in a very stern, structured way. I offer her the formula after the meal. If I can get at least two ounces in her (not on her) I satiate her with a little mom milk. It seems to be working; it's less of a fight during meal time.
My nipple is healing thanks to Medela nipple cream.
I'm still open to suggestions. She has tooth #9 (help me!).
Until next time, this is Realest Mother Dearest signing off. Please comment below with suggestions!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Mammary Battle Continues.....

.....and it is mostly uphill.  I survived the food strike.  My daughter is now back on solids.  Her newest tactic is to avoid drinking anything other than water out of her sippy cup.  When I attempted to offer her a heaping helping of almond milk, she looked at me with contempt.  My faith is weakening but I mustn't give up!  I will have my wine again!  She is becoming very picky.  She now despises jar food and fresh food must be blended with fruit.  She will attempt feeding herself at first, but the nipple is her go-to.  I have even employed some low-blow warfare with no success.  I baked a delicious black eyed pea casserole and I diced up two (count 'em, TWO) large jalapeno peppers to add to the recipe.  I also added a half a bottle of Tabasco to the mix.  I love spice, but this wasn't about me.  My hope was to disrupt the flavor of my milk and devastate her delicate palate, thus traumatizing her to ne'er want mothers milk ever more.
She got gas and fell asleep.
Welp, this is a discouraged yet determined mother dearest signing off.
Please, if you have any advice, any at all, please leave it below.  I am desperate.