Cheeky Quotes

Friday, December 21, 2012

Gag Me!

Have you ever heard a fellow mother tell you a story about her little one so ludicrous that it made you want to barf?
I had a relative inform me that her son slept through the night from the time he came from the hospital. She also informed me that my daughter should have been the same way. My daughter is breastfed, by the way, but we should be on the same page.
Let me begin by saying I do not believe her story. It's an erroneous claim and I am not up for the Tom foolery!
Also, if it were true, so what? I am not having HER experience, I am having my own.
Many parents who are no longer watching a newborn or potty training suffer from rosy retrospection. They had the same issues or worse when their little ones were born, but they completely forgot about it and now remember only the awesome exploits of their beloved offspring. Let them tell it, they were blessed with a low -maintenance puppy compared to the time- and energy-draining human baby God chose to punish you with. These dream babies have no teething issues, they don't vomit, and they hardly ever cry. Yeah right!
In their defense, biology wires us to forget these difficulties so the human race can continue. It's a necessary evil, but an evil nonetheless. We all would like to have those penultimate experiences, but most of us will not. When we hear these success stories from those we love, it is easy to lose perspective and even blame ourselves for not being wise enough to sleep-train a 2-day-old.
*eye-roll*
Until next time, this is Realest Mother Dearest signing off.
P.S. My apologies for the bleak layout. I'm still a work in progress, but the next blog will be from the completed site.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Selfless Mother

I often hear other first-time mothers say they put the baby before themselves. Many seem to believe a mother's place is last place. Granted you are going to make lots of sacrifices when you have a child, but the one fact I have come to accept is you can't give what you don't have. Many women who began neglecting themselves early on in motherhood often become bitter, disheveled and unkempt. I love being a parent, but I am a much better parent when I eat full meals, bathe, groom, etc. I do have to take good care of my daughter, but I don't have to look like a pageant mom while I do it (i.e., funky bath robe, rollers and flip flops). I refuse to look like Honey Boo Boo's mama! Your little one picks up on your mood, so try to keep your mind and body in a good place as best you can.
Until next time, this is Realest Mother Dearest signing off. Don't forget to comment below, and stay tuned for more adventures in motherhood, giveaways and more!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Belly of the Beast

I have a beautiful baby girl and I am pro choice. I know what you're thinking: how can a mother be pro choice?
As much as I love my daughter, I would be lying if I said I wasn't shaking in my boots when I found out I was pregnant. I can only imagine how much worse it would have been without a support system, or after a rape, or any other unthinkable situation. In the great state of Louisiana, there are groups of dedicated protesters whose main objective is to deter women from entering abortion clinics to sacrifice their unborn. These parking lot activists feel it is their moral duty to save lives in the name of God. What happens after they have involved themselves with this often painful and very personal choice? Are these groups helping the women provide for these unplanned pregnancies? In most cases the pro lifers are also anti government assistance. I have seen a lot of picket signs but not a lot of check books.
If you are providing long term support, you have a right to an opinion, but even then, we all have individual choices to make and live with. The reasons run the gamut from birth defects to high risk pregnancy to unplanned pregnancy within a marriage and everything in between. As a spectator I can easily say a lot of things but in the end, I don't know what I would do.
Until next time, this is Realest Mother Dearest signing off. Leave your comments below and feel free to suggest topics.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Opinions Are Like.....

....butts. Everyone has one, and many of them stink. When it comes to the decisions I have made pertaining to my daughter, there has been some sort of silent alarm that only unsolicited advisers can hear, like a dog whistle for motor mouths who have nothing better to do than criticize other people's lives. I understand most people mean well, but lack a tactful approach. Case in point: a lady (a stranger) in the waiting room at the doctors office decided to inform me that pacifiers are harmful. I told her "that's nice to know" and promptly stuck the pacifier in my daughter's mouth. I also didn't make mention of the fact that her daughter was obese. You know why? Because I have manners!
When it comes to advice I have a few of rules I live by when it comes to other people's children:
1. If the parent doesn't ask, I don't tell.
2. If the child isn't in immediate danger, I don't interfere.
3. If there is a chronic issue in the home, i am not an expert. My only job is to call a professional (i.e., Child Protective Services)
There are so many hot-button topics and parents are soooo sensitive. If you breast feed or buy organic vegetables is not my problem. If we are mature adults I will discuss options with you, but if I don't see signs of neglect like cigarette burns or dirt on your child, I don't really give a damn. My job is not to micromanage another adult.
Until next time, this is Mother Dearest, signing off.
Comment on topics you may want to read about in future posts.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Welcome

I wish I could say I planned every detail of my pregnancy right down to the day of my daughter's conception. I wish I would have had a dietician and a beautiful water birth complete with doulas and incense. I wish I had a video of me being some mother goddess pushing and sweating only to reap the  fruit of my labor, my beautiful daughter. The reality is I conceived in spite of contraception, I was on sick leave due to hypertension, and I had a csection. Meh.
This blog is for every woman who gags at the idea that every step of childbirth is beautiful. What is beautiful is the knowledge gained, but I want you to know there is no shame in saying out loud when certain parts of the journey are challenging. Society has turned into a fantasy world and it is against the social code to say "this sucks!"
So here it is. It will be graphic, but then again, isn't life?